Visitation Rights

 

Well, chances are you don’t remember, so I will be kind enough to remind you about how I briefly mentioned my mum was coming to visit, along with my best friend, her mum and my beautiful, crazy godson.

 

That was back in February and boy did it come and go, I had planned to write a blog on the whole visit, but with days off scarce to none and season in full swing, before I knew it, it was 2 months later and putting up the post just felt a little random.

‘So if it was random then what’s the difference now’ do hear the critics say, well as well as wanting to write about the visit, I had also planned for my mum to have a little guest feature. Now true to our relation, my mother holds the number one record in procrastination, with myself close behind in second, so essentially the apple really didn’t fall at all.

Basically, the whole blog plan has been on the back burner until now, so this blog is in fact more from my mum, it’s was a chance for me to really understand how this time away has affected her and for you to get a little candid insight into where my personality comes from. I must stress that I had no input in this, I’m not even going to correct her grammar (as much as it hurts me), it was scary to read because more than ever I saw myself in her, but anyway this is my muse, my mum…..

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What an experience but before we get to that let me tell you a little bit about me.

My name is Maggy, Madge, Marjay , mum depending on which mood my wonderful children are in.

I have three children who I dote on and have since the day they were born done everything from football matches to dancing competitions and basically my life has just been about giving them the best I can.

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So the question what do you do when you kids are now all grown up don’t need you as much as they used to and have now started to try to spread their wings and gradually fly out of the nest with hopefully the aim to fly back once in a while.

“The life and times of a redundant mum” well not as drastic as that but wow it really is a shock to the system. This is how it all went down.

In August 2016 Chantelle Aka “2nd born child” aka “Warrior Princess” decided to spread her wings and fly across the waters to Miami for a year. Ok I said yes and I did encourage her but until that day actually comes you think it never will but it did. So we all piled ourselves off to the airport to see her off. It was a very emotional day with tears from all corners. Have you ever had to be stronger than you think you are. This was one of those days. Someone had to be strong for everyone and keep a dry face even though all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry till I had no more tears to shed.

In September our last born child O’jay aka “Marksman” spread his wings and went off to university in Birmingham not too bad only down the road fair enough but in the space of two months the busy home got quieter and to be honest at first it just felt like they had both just gone away for a week or two.

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Then what happens!! Our first born child Georgette aka ” My free spirit hippy” is getting ready to start her 6-month adventure travelling!!!  OMG!!! Travelling on her own. Absolutely not having that !!! err….. she’s a grown woman with a mind of her own. You’ve got to let go Maggy!!  But she’s the only one left in the nest!! Girlfriend!! Get over it and let her go!!! (Sorry guys that’s how my brain thinks and works just thought I would let you in for a second now get out!)

 

To be honest I think Georgette prepared us more than ever for getting used to having an empty nest. She was hardly ever in up until she went off exploring the world!!

Anyway in January off myself and her dad went to the airport again to see her off backpack in tow.

Wow another emotional day very mixed emotions the fact that she is so brave and doing this on her own!!

We came home and guess what. Silence no kids, no music, no xbox noise going on in the background no lovely aroma of cakes what!! How on earth do I cope with this!! Come back guys all is forgiven. Maybe it’s a dream I will wake up and find them all in their rooms doing their own thing alas!! The chicks have flown the nest!!

The next chapter begins.

When your mind works overtime and a million questions keep popping up it can wreak havoc. When the children left on their journeys I asked myself one thing. Did we do a good job in the way we brought them up??? Hmm what a question to ask yourself. Little did I know that the answer was going to come sooner rather than later

On the 21st October 2016 I was invited to attend Chantelle’s graduation and accept her certificate on her behalf as she was unable to come back for the ceremony. It was an amazing day with nothing but praise for her and what she has achieved “the proud mother” yes I was so proud and coming back to the question I asked myself did we do a good job of bringing up these wonderful children, I met some of Chantelle’s uni colleagues some much older than her. I was told by one of these lovely ladies that I have a very respectful, polite and lovely daughter who shows that she has been brought up well…… err is this my Chantelle!!!! Naaa!!! lol just kidding I was and am so proud of her and yes! Was the answer to that question proud mummy yet again!

To all the mothers out there whose lovely kids have flown the nest my question is how do you cope.

I personally just keep busy and not give myself time for my mind to run wild but trust me it did and still does.

First it was the worry. Are they ok. Are they coping ok. What if they need me I’m too far away but do you know what? I am so proud of my young adult children and I owe it to God how he has guided us to bring up his custodians because they are level headed, respectful and humble and that’s confirmation enough for me that with those traits they will go far.

 

 

***Wipes Tears***

 

Every kid thinks the world of their parents, I’m no different. Both my parents were the first generation to immigrate to the western world from Nigeria. Do you know what kind of courage that takes? To move half way across the world to start a better life for yourself, by yourself under the age of 20. How can I not draw inspiration, courage and enlightenment from them?

My mum put every dream she had aside, to make time, headspace and energy for us. Never forced us into anything particular, she rarely missed a match, never missed a dance competition, cherished our wins and pushed us harder when we lost.

I can never repay my mum for the sacrifices she’s made, but I can make her proud, I can make her happy and I can show her that she did a bloody good job.

“You made us believe. You kept us off the street, put clothes on our back, food on the table. When you didn’t eat, you made sure we ate. You went to sleep hungry, you sacrificed for us. You’re the real MVP”

 

-Kevin Durant, 2013

 

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One thought on “Visitation Rights

  1. Absolutely beautiful words from both mum and daughter.
    You have both done each other proud.
    Well done Maggie….you have done a wonderful job.
    And well done guys…proud of all of you.
    God bless. Xx

    Like

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